Three things to try if you are stressed the fuck out!

Alright, if you are like me and tends to get stressed the fuck out and are one bad Lego step away from losing your shit, here’s three moves to keep you from turning into a Lifetime movie villain:

1. Punch a Pillow Like It Owes Him Money - Grab the ugliest couch cushion—the one the dog’s been humping—and beat the absolute piss out of it. No therapy bill, no judgment, just pure caveman rage. Bonus points if he screams something dumb like “WHERE’S THE FUCKING REMOTE” while he’s at it.

2. Shotgun a Beer in the Garage - Sneak out to the man cave, crack open a cold one, and chug it like he’s 19 again. Doesn’t matter if it’s 10 a.m. or midnight—garage time is sacred. He can stare at his half-built workbench and pretend he’s gonna finish it someday while the foam dribbles down his chin. Instant reset.

3. Binge Dumbass YouTube Videos - Plop down with his phone and watch idiots fail at skateboarding or cats slap the shit out of toddlers. Nothing melts stress like cackling at some moron eating pavement. Pro tip: avoid the comments unless he wants to get pissed off all over again.

And let’s be real—dads are the unsung heroes of chaos. Society’s out here expecting them to fix the Wi-Fi, mow the lawn, and not cry when the bills hit, all while the kids are screaming about some Fortnite skin they didn’t get. Meanwhile, moms get wine nights and “self-care” bath bombs—where’s Dad’s parade? I say we give every stressed-out pops a national holiday where he can grill meat, nap in a hammock, and tell everyone else to fuck off for 24 hours. Call it “Leave Me Alone Day.” Patent pending.

CHEERS TO YOU MOTHER FUCKERS